The Miracle in the Meltdown is what you do right after. Coping with sadness and anxiety
It's not the meltdown that matters - it's what you do after the meltdown. Yesterday I was in my office and my face was just hurting from looking at my computer for so long. My butt was hurting because I've been sitting in front of screens for so much longer than I used to before staying at home went into effect. If sitting is the new smoking, I'm like a 3 pack a day-er. All of a sudden I felt the walls closing in on me. I shut my laptop and went to open my office door. The knob was stuck and I felt trapped. I flung the door open and felt like I wanted to fly into a rage. My dog's been jumpy enough, so screaming wasn't the best option. So here's what I did:
1. I crawled into my bed and tied a sweatshirt around my head - I don't know why but it felt soothing.
2. I got under my covers and I was just breathing and praying.
3. I got still and observed my feelings. I felt deeply sad and alone. It was this "I don't give a f*ck about anything and I don't have the energy to do anything."
4. I observed how I physically felt. My body felt tight, my back felt sore and my forehead ached. I started thinking about why that might be and what the solution might be. I hadn't been working out, I hadn't been going outside enough and I wasn't taking breaks away from my computer for the last 4 days. I was overdosing on sitting inside and screentime and it was making me miserable.
5. Then I video'd it and shared on IG stories. I don't know why - but for someone who teaches tools on good energy, I needed to share that I had none.
6. After 20 mins I got out of bed and went downstairs and poured myself a huge bowl of cereal and then put powdered hot chocolate mix on it. The sugar and carbs calmed me.
7. I watched 2 episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm which made me laugh.
8. I took my dog for a walk and called 2 friends and my mom. My mom felt miserable too, so we commiserated about it. We also put into perspective that at a basic level we are okay: enough food, enough humans to talk to, shelter and clothing. We reasoned that it's normal to feel emotionally like shit. We also acknowledged that there are a lot of people struggling physically and emotionally right now. People are losing loved ones and grieving, so we have to think of them and send them love. It’s a compassionate response. It doesn’t discount the way we feel, it’s important to not sweep that under the rug. But it helps to take stock that we’re not alone with some of the thoughts/feelings we have that are not feeling so good.
9. I went for a drive with my husband and we ate dinner and watched the new Netflix show Hollywood. Highly HIGHLY recommend it: https://www.netflix.com/title/81088617
10. I read the flurry of DM's I got after my IG story of people being like, "I support you", "I'm sending you a hug" and a few "Thanks for being honest because if I see one more person's loaf of bread they baked I will scream". It felt good to be (and I feel icky using this word) VULNERABLE. It’s amazing when I share that I’m not in a good place how much people support me and enjoy the real talk side of my life I share.
11. My new friend Mary sent me links to Tapping Meditations from Nick Ortner. I love tapping and I haven't been doing it enough. This is a great resource if you’ve never tapped before - it’s basically tapping on 9 acupressure points to release negative energy, lower anxiety, and become resilient when handling triggering thoughts/situations. I originally learned tapping from my mentor Gabby Bernstein. She learned from Nick. Here is a great place to start: https://www.thetappingsolution.com/ and I also wrote a blog with tools to reduce anxiety that includes tapping tutorials I made: http://theworldofdoug.com/blog/anxiety
12. After 8 hours of sleep I woke up exhausted, so I did 2 Tapping Meditations: One to release the stress that causes exhaustion and one to break through the malaise of not wanting to work out. I’ve been avoiding physical exercise. I just don’t feel like doing it, but I feel better when I do. Turns out there’s a meditation to get you over avoiding exercise, especially if it will help you feel better. Here’s a link to a bunch of free ones from Nick Ortner; the two I did are in here: https://www.thetappingsolution.com/free-tapping-meditations/. The releasing stress one sent me into some good cathartic sobbing. The release I've been looking for. It felt SO GOOD TO CRY. I didn’t feel tired at all after doing it. Stress makes me tired, or rather, exhausted. Releasing stress makes me feel awake and alive. Try it!
Then, I worked out, sweat it out and took my dog for a walk. On my walk I saw this beautiful pine tree growing new pine cones. I’d never seen new pine cones beginning to grow. They are small and soft and pink. I was touching them and appreciating them. It was simple mindfulness. It was a reward to appreciate nature in it’s most simple form. Like seriously, how beautiful are these?
Have you ever seen baby pinecones? Did you know they are this adorable?
13. I read an article in the New York Times that my friend sent me entitled: In Defense of a Good Cry and other options for "losing it". This free article is comfort food for the soul - especially as we attempt to work through our emotions and process the monumental amount of change that Covid-19 has forced us to do. The only way through it, I’m finding, is to actually go through it. I had NO ROOM LEFT to stuff down my feelings anymore, so I’m letting them flow through. After I read this I realized I'm right where I need to be. We all need to process some of these emotions, even trigging a good cry is self-care. Screaming too. Or cheering on health care workers and first responders. Read this, it’s amazing! https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/07/smarter-living/coronavirus-losing-control.html
I feel much better today...and I realize, while things aren't perfect, there are a few things I do have the power to do: honor my anxiety and sadness, eat sugar (the NYT article actually says a Sundae is OKAY), watch something that makes me laugh, reach out to people, walk my dog and be open to solutions when people message me them. I did it and now I'm doing alright. So, if you feel like shit, it's where you are meant to be. It's okay to meltdown - the miracle is what you reach for next after it. It's what you do after it to rebuild your emotional response to things. I couldn't have another day today like I had yesterday. Thanks to all who sent me ideas and solutions to feel better. I deeply appreciate the love and support. Send you all love and peace and please e mail me if you need more ideas and solutions to feel better! doug@theworldofdoug.com