Feeling Socially Connected through MEDITATION????
I am taking a Coursera course online called Science of Wellbeing developed by Yale University. In week 5 Professor Laurie Santos talked about the importance of social connection. How we need to see people and interact with them face to face in order to feel a sense of belonging that leads to wellbeing. Isolation = loneliness and not thriving. Clearly the video modules were produced well before Covid-19. Today, staying at home and avoiding people to preserve the wellbeing of society is the most compassionate thing you can do. Wellbeing, oddly enough, lies in not getting together. Almost 2 months into this, I’m feeling undone and I'm seeing my friends and family crack. Being apart feels very severe. The social connection options that involve Zoom happy hours are a diminishing return after we spend 6 to 8 hours on the computer for work or Zooming with clients or co-workers. The last thing I want to do is log-on again. So, how else can I feel connected?
The simple answer: A LOVING KINDNESS MEDITATION. Yesterday (at Yale) I learned that there's actual science behind a loving-kindness meditation (originally coined by Sharon Salzberg) which is basically saying a few compassionate things to yourself like: "May I be happy", "May I be healthy", "May I be at peace". Then, you picture someone you care about and say those same thoughts "May they be happy", "May they be healthy", etc. Then, you can pick a total stranger, like the person who rang you up last Tuesday at the grocery store and send them love. Those thoughts are energetic well-wishes. That energy ripples into the world and raises the vibration (even thinking good things vs. worrying or complaining helps) and it changes you into a more loving and compassionate person. It also works on people who annoy you. Like that person on social media who flaunts their abs and then bakes bread. You like them, but you're sort of getting sick of them during the pandemic. Send them some love in your meditation and your perceptions about them will change.
The science behind it is this: Thinking kind things about yourself, then people you love, then people you don't know and then people who annoy you or challenge you makes you FEEL BETTER. These loving thoughts build resilience against negative thoughts and you start to organically be more positive. Even in the distance, you will feel closer to other people. Scientific studies (HUTCHERSON ET AL 2008) showed that doing this type of meditation just focusing on a stranger that a subject saw a picture of had goodwill effects that made them feel closer to people around them.
So, if you did a 3 minute loving kindness meditation a day, you might feel more connected to the people you are missing in the distance, you might feel more connected to people you are living with or near and you'd probably appreciate Sally at ShopRite (who you don't really know) a lot more. And you'd be happy for the person who made yet another gluten free banana bread.
Here are some resources for guided Loving Kindness Meditations:
https://www.mindful.org/this-loving-kindness-meditation-is-a-radical-act-of-love/
https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-salzberg/
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-practice-loving-kindness-meditation-3144786
Try it for a few minutes each day for the next week and let me know how it works for you! It builds up over time! I’d love to hear from you: Email doug@theworldofdoug.com.
This photo is from my wedding day. My Maid of Honor Victoria and I did a heart-opening loving-kindness meditation before I went to get married and it totally vibed us up. It's so simple, but it works! Can you feel the energy from this picture?